I Can’t Believe I Ate The Whole Turducken » Brats & Beer

November 26, 2006
posted under: Football, John Madden, Thanksgiving

It’s taken a lot of effort for me to finally drag my fat and lazy ass to the computer after four or five fat and lazy days off; but what glorious fat and lazy days they were. I would guess I’ve put on a good five or ten pounds the past couple days with all the non-stop gluttony around here and my mind is practically addled with the amount of football I’ve watched. Ain’t America great?

The past few years, though, I have noticed that Thanksgiving just isn’t the same without John Madden calling one of the football games. I love November’s feast of plenty, but no one enjoys the holiday as much as that guy. Madden practically embodies what we love about Thanksgiving, rolling food and football into one three-hour long extravaganza.

Sure, the networks still try to bring some food lust into their turkey day football coverage, but it’s just not the same hearing Joe Buck drone on about turkey and stuffing: You know that guy counts his calories like a girl, eats a sensible amount, and then probably heads for the nearest gym to work it off. Where’s the fun in that? And on CBS you have Greg Gumbel and Phil Simms, two of the most joyless humans on the planet. No, to get the true fun of Thanksgiving football, you need Madden and his turduckens and his eight-legged turkeys.

I would humbly suggest to the NFL to re-work their football contracts so that whatever network Madden is working for gets to cover one of the games on Thanksgiving. Either that, or maybe NBC could find a way so that on that one day the old Raiders coach could return to FOX to cover their game. My holiday just isn’t complete without Madden diagramming the important aspects of a turducken with the aid of a telestrator.